I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize