He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
