a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
