@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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