non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize