somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
