she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
