this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
