We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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