Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
