I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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