He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
smell my finger.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
