I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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