I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
