if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
