and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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