she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
