Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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