i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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