My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
