we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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