My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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