I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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