I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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