I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
