my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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