When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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