I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
