and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
