So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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