dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
