Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
