At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's rum buckets o'clock
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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