This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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