Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
