I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
