Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We need to get me chipped asap
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
