so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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