I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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