people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize