Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
