I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
