Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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