The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
