Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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