I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize