I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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