A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
