It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if only i could text you this smell
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
