I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
