i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
