turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
