We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
