Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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