then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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