Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
