im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
