The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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