Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Come share oat with me in your robe
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
