i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
