I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
