omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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