i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
