Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
