we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
