I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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