Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
