1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think my mom watched the whole time
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
