Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
