i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
