everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
