You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
