LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
