I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
