no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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