I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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