Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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